Quickies > 2019-06-18

Pride Month 2019

My annual attempt at educating folks about Pride and why it matters. 2019 was the first year I made it a point to share valuable messages as much as possible. I made it very few days, but there's enough here to make it worth sharing.

Day 1

Today is the beginning of Pride Month. Lemme share some thoughts.

  • If you are able to show out for Pride, please do.
  • If you are unable, that's okay. Take care of yourself.
  • If you are afraid, that's okay. The rest of us will be proud for you.
  • If you are questioning, that's okay. The rest of us have been there.
  • If you are closeted but certain, that's okay. The rest of us support you.
  • If you are afraid, that's okay. The rest of us are too, sometimes.

Whatever your reasons for not being loud and proud, that's okay. The rest of us have had our own reasons at some point in the past. We still love you, and we are proud of your journey.

Day 2

Second day of Pride Month, and I have more thoughts.

Yesterday brought with it an onslaught of content designed to cater to gender and sexual minorities in recognition of Pride Month. I'll note that I really appreciate the effort they put forward, but I have some other thoughts as well.

Anybody can be cool during Pride Month, but it becomes pandering when you do it ONLY during Pride Month. I mean, good on you for doing SOMETHING. But if you aren't supportive of gender and sexual minorities year round, then you are just capitalising on us, and it sucks.

There are some great companies out there who are helping all the time. Some of them are pretty public about it, like Starbucks. Their insurance options are available for all employees who work at least 20 hours on average per week, AND they are inclusive of the needs of trans folks. Others are pretty quiet about it, but they still manage to do something.

Basically, I am saying that I'd like to see more support and less "ally theatre".

Day 4

Day four of Pride Month. And I have to assume some folks are wondering how long I'll have thoughts to share. Here's the thing. I don't know how many days I will keep at it. Who knows, maybe the whole month. I've never been good at this sort of thing. But for now, I continue.

An obvious question that I have been thinking about the last few days is "Why am I talking so much about Pride right now?" Why does this all matter? Apart from the obvious – that I am transgender, and Pride is partly about celebrating that – there are some really important ideas that go into it. Like what Pride was at the beginning and what it is now. Like my connection to the various aspects of Pride. Like how Pride has paved the way for a lot of the rights now afforded to gender and sexual minorities. Like how those rights are under near constant attack by people who claim to be direly oppressed. Today, though, I wanna focus on just what Pride probably ought to be.

Pride for a lot of people is just one day, or one week, or even one month of the year. Either they can't "let their flag fly" all the time, or they don't feel it worthwhile for some reason. But Pride should never be something relegated to a short stint of raucous celebration. Pride should be loud. Pride should be constant. Pride should be a riot. Pride should be a fucking revolution.

Why do I say that?

Quiet submission never gets anything done. If we want things to improve, we have to do something. We have to make positive change the only viable option. Otherwise, we lose ground. We get elected officials who actively campaign to hurt us, and things get worse. We have to make sure we are heard. I know that not everyone can be loud, but that means the rest of us have to be louder. Squeaky wheels and grease, as you know.

So let's not just quietly submit. Let's make a fuss. Let's do like the earliest days of Pride and make some noise.

Day 5

Day five of Pride Month. This one's gonna be short.

If you are closeted and want or need to talk to someone who's been there, I am all ears.

If you are out and want or need to talk to someone who is there, I'm all ears.

Essentially, if you are a gender or sexual minority, hit a sister up! I'm happy to listen. Or provide guidance. Or whatever you like.

Day 18

I said something yesterday that immediately became about Pride:

I'd rather be comfortable than safe.

Content warning: discussion of transphobia and violence against transgender people. The previews to the links below are turned off. They are a horribly sanitised approach to the topic, but they are an introduction.

Now.

It's not a secret that I'm a transgender woman. If it were still a secret to anyone two weeks ago, I certainly hope people put it together when I started sharing about Pride. It's also not a secret that I am sometimes very vocal about how that affects my life. If I can talk about it, I will. A lot of people will get uncomfy with the notion of me discussing this stuff, and they can suck eggs. A lot of people will get tired of it, but it's gonna keep going as long as the links below are still actively a problem.

As I shared last year, being transgender and closeted feels kinda like wearing shoes on the wrong feet, or using your off hand to perform a complex task, or a number of other things that ought to be easily remedied but provide a huge level of discomfort if it isn't fixed. It's wildly uncomfortable. "Okay, Terra, then come out of the closet. Great. But you're still a ..." No. Fuck that noise. That just changes things from a looming discomfort to an active discomfort. No thanks. "Okay, fine, Terra, you can transition, but you can't access any gender specific stuff except for ..." No. Fuck that noise too. I'm just a woman trying to live my life. If you can't handle that, then you can just stay the fuck out of my way.

But here's the thing. Being openly trans is not just dangerous. It is fucking deadly. Hell, being trans and not open about it is deadly. It's not as simple as "Be yourself, Terra, and you'll be fine" because there are assholes who have literally killed trans people just because they met them on the street. There are horrible monsters who have killed trans people just for trying to live their lives. I'm not embellishing when I say that I'm more than twice as likely to die since I came out, and whether I'm open about it or not, that is still the case.

So when I say
"I'd rather be comfortable than safe"
and when I say that it is about Pride, I'm being sincere.

I know it's a lot to read. If you did read it, thanks. Everyone else can kindly go suck eggs.

Resources

Tags: --- queer --- pride --- june-thoughts --- sapphic --- fb-rants --- extra-long --- compilation ---

Words: 1237

Date: 2019-06-18