title: "Maybe Trans?" summary: "If you've ever thought you might be trans, this one is for you. And if that is the case, then PLEASE hit me up if you need to talk." date: "2020-01-07" tags:

• "queer"
• "transgender"
• "fb-rants"
• "add-some-nuance"

• "questioning" words: 569 img: "/images/PrideLogo.png" description: "A discussion of the common claim that 'if you feel trans, then you are trans'. The approach taken allows room for individuality, which is rare with this talking point."

You Might be Trans?

As the title implies, this one is about an exploration of the idea that "if you feel trans, you are trans", and "if you would feel happier trans, then you are trans". It's not a fully nuanced approach, but it's not the least nuance I could've given.

I shared a thing on Christmas Eve and said I'd have more thoughts later. Well, here we are.

If you've known me any substantial amount of time, you've already heard about my "gender journey", so to speak. How I "felt like a girl" basically as long as memory serves. How I fought against myself in that regard for years to stay hidden. How I knew I was trans before I knew what trans was. And how I occasionally remember something that pushes back the age from which I knew I wasn't a cis boy.

The post I shared offered this perspective:

If you want to be a gender other than that assigned to you at birth, you're probably trans.
If you feel like a gender other than that assigned to you at birth, you're probably trans.
If you just aren't comfy with your assigned gender, you're probably trans.

Essentially, all it takes to be trans is to not be cis. But what's cis? Easy. Your gender matches that which you were assigned at birth.

• Great. But what if I don't wanna transition?
  • Moot.
• Great. But what if I don't wanna medical intervention?
  • Moot.
• Great. But what if...?
  • Moot.

And that's awesome! It tidies up the whole conversation to a matter of "Do you feel wibbly about gender? Then you're trans. Good for you. Do with it as you will."

Yay!

Mostly.

"What? Why 'mostly'? Why not 'end of'?"

Because self identification is at the centre of the queer experience. No one gets to tell me that I'm pansexual or bisexual or ... or anything. That's my call. Likewise, no one else has the right to decide that I'm trans. That's on me. And in my case, I chose that label and choose it every day, actively. I'm a trans woman. A mostly woman attracted panromantic demisexual trans woman. And it's my call to say that a label does or doesn't fit, if I so choose.

"But Fruit," you protest, "the point isn't that the person 'must' identify as trans. It's just that it 'may' be a good label."

Yes. And it started that way. But let the people know there are words and things. Let them know that the words are flexible. Let them know that there's no "correct" way to be . Let them know that you'll support them either way. Let them know you love them. Let them know that there's nothing wrong with not having the desire or ability to adopt the labels. Shit's hard, ya'll.

-----

That said.

If you come to me and confide that you feel gender feels, I'll give you the same advice: you might be trans. After that, I'll support you through your own self determination. Because by goddess, you deserve better than those who have come before you. And we deserved better than we got.

And if, after a time, you tell me "I'm trans", I'll accept you. And if, after a time, you tell me "I'm cis", I'll accept you. Whether your gender feels go away or not. Because whatever happens, you are valid. And valued. And loved.