Synergistics!
We've all had that moment, when we've reached the end of our ropes and make the final call. We can't do it anymore. And for Fran, that moment has finally arrived.
Fran is seated at her desk in her cushy office at the new Assuredly building. Goddess but she hates this place, no matter how much money they pay her to do whatever it is she's pretending to do again. Every day it's the same nonsense. If not for her freedom to work from home thrice a week, she'd have left this place.
On the agenda this particular day is Fran catching up on training she's missed since the transition of the company from its old branding to its objectively worse new branding. At least with Totally Real Company, they didn't make constant efforts to sound like a goddess cursed corporate soul trap. Not so, now that they were Assuredly! Even though all the people were the same, and the place was the same -- at least until a few weeks ago anyway -- and overall it was the same trite nonsense.
Create reports. Collate reports. Drink coffee. Go home. The Totally Real Company way!
So Fran sits at her desk and works on training. She learns about "The Cube of Connection" and "The Flow", two utterly inane concepts introduced as a way to encourage both cooperation and efficiency while meaning nothing entirely. Just the very idea of Cubes and Flow makes her stomach turn, and she wishes desperately to be at home in Dot's arms.
But it's Thursday, and Thursdays are Dot's special days to have alone time while Fran gets things done at Assuredly.
She nearly vomits thinking about it, but she holds it in, which is for the best as one of her underlings -- why had they given Fran underlings? -- stepped to the door. Jane or Jan or Jen or some such.
"Going to lunch, Fran," she says with a smile, "and you're invited. I'd love to have you along. Are you busy?"
"Sorry, J," and Fran knows she is, truly, apologetic, "but I have to finish this training by end of day. Something about Connecting Cubes."
"Oh goddess, that's the worst one, Fran!" She grimaces. "Well, hope to catch you before you leave today. Try not to lose it."
"Thanks, J," Fran continues the use of the initial instead of the name. Jean or Jin or June seems to appreciate it. She grins before turning to head on.
All distractions out of the way, Fran turns back to the training.
You, too can prove to be an integral and integrated part of the landscape by being cube shaped! What does it mean to be a cube in a world of circles? I'm so glad you asked!
"No one asked," Fran groans as she watches little vectorised characters dancing about, moving things around, changing shapes, and eventually doing something like a cooperative team lift. Four of the little rounded people to lift a cube, which then melts into the people. Her head spins, so she turns away from the video as the narrator continues.
Keeping an open mind is the first step to being cube shaped! You can't know what you need until you know it! And looking for any opportunity to help and be helped! That's the Assuredly way!
Fran stands and paces around her office. Her stomach is doing the same thing it did when she vomited on Dave's shoes. Not that he didn't deserve it, but she certainly didn't relish the smell that was left in the old Totally Real Company offices. She takes a deep breath before opting to race to the water cooler.
After downing four cups of ice cold water, her stomach starts to settle, so she returns to catch the training video in the middle of a sentence.
— how Stephanie should help Brennan with this task?
Great. A knowledge check portion. The answers don't make sense. Why would Brennan need Stephanie to buy him a Capuchin? Why would her cutting off her hair help him? Fran resolves to take this issue to the instructional development team before realising they were let go as part of the most recent restructuring. How she was still employed was a mystery she tried to ignore.
That's right! Stephanie's best recourse to help Brennan would be to buy a cup of hot soup and pour it on his shoes! Now you're really thinking like a cube!
Unfortunately, the training continues like that until just before Joan or Jone or Jynny returns from lunch, and Fran stands to greet her team as they return. Anything but moving on to The Flow and doing The Assuredly Most!, which was the next training module and the last.
"Welcome back, D," Fran says with a forced smile. Darren or Damian or something doesn't seem to notice. He's just happy she cares. "Don't forget to email me the report for last week's synergistic metrics. Take your time, though. No one else has asked yet, so I figure we have another two weeks before anyone complains." Fran knows Destin or Daxly or what-have-you appreciates candour as much as her.
"How was lunch, T?" She welcomes Tara or Terra or something, desperate the younger woman will ignore her. Fortunately, she does.
"Fran!" Janice or Jenny or Joann greets her before Fran notices. "Lunch was excellent, and I really wish you could come next time." This warms Fran, but she just smiles.
"Next time. Don't forget to have the numbers from the Wallace report to me by Monday," Fran offers. "Not that Wallace gave you good data, but do your best."
"Thanks Fran," she says before skipping off to her desk.
With the team settled back in, Fran sets into the next training.
It's something absurd. About finding gaps and about losing yourself to work. She can't even follow half of the nonsense they're saying. Fortunately, there are no knowledge checks, so it's just a matter of zoning out for the three hours of training before her.
Fran doesn't know how long she's been staring at a still screen when she realises there's an open-ended prompt on the screen.
Finding the perfect Flow is about finding the perfect niche. But sometimes, that also means maximising efficiency and synergism to the point of absence. Identify one point of absence you can maximise your synergism into so that Assuredly can thrive! Explain how you plan to Flow with that niche to perfection!
Fran realises as she stares at the screen that she's had it. She can't deal with Assuredly or Totally Real Company or any further corporate nonsense. The words aren't thought out, they're a stream of consciousness that would make the authors of the Flow training proud if not for the intent.
"Given the state of things, the most Flow increasing synergistic I can maximise is my own absence. Effective immediately, I'm removing myself. Call it an exercise in dynamic cubic resilience by doing the least by doing the most!"
She submits the terrible answer, shuts down the computer, packs the things that matter most to her, and walks out. Worst case? They fire her. But so far as Fran is concerned, she's quit, so that's not really her problem, now is it?
No more desk. No more office. And most importantly, no more Fran wasting her life at Assuredly.